On My Birthday, 41 Things You Ought to Know

It’s my birthday, and I’m a big fan of doing whatever you want on your birthday. So, I’m not going to be blogging about simplifying, minimalism, organizing, and not keeping up with the Jones’ today.

Today I am 41 years old. In that vein, here are 41 things I feel you ought to know:

  1. Being 41 feels the same as being 40. Still tired.
  2. Kale may be the “it girl” for now, but it won’t last forever. Here are 10 other leafy greens that are even better for you. 
  3.  You need to buy this book. It’s seriously going to change everything you think you know about purging. (Okay, I lied. I talked about simplifying, but this will be it.)
  4. Kanye West is his own biggest fan.
  5. Donald Trump is his own biggest fan.
  6. I doubt that they are fans of one another.
  7. The Golden Gate Bridge isn’t golden.
  8. When I was six I tried to pierce my own ears with a pin. I was unsuccessful.
  9. There is an island that sits in the middle of the Bay of Bengal called North Sentinel Island. The indigenous people of this island have never been colonized by the outside world and are extremely hostile, attacking anyone who tries to invade their land. When taken from the island, these people exhibit symptoms of a mysterious illness before dying (if they are not returned). Let’s leave these people alone, shall we? Even if we find out they have oil.
  10. No one is thinking about you. Not too much, anyway. Not what you wore yesterday, not how much weight you may have gained, not whether or not your handbag was from Target or Louis Vuitton, not what you said or didn’t say (unless you were a jerk, don’t be a jerk). It’s refreshing really, to know that no one is thinking about you.
  11. It’s important not to eat too much sugar.
  12. Chocolate is the answer to all the problems of the world.
  13. But seriously, it’s important not to eat too much sugar.
  14. Wine is also an acceptable solution to most problems.
  15. I’m not interesting in hearing rebuttal to number 14.
  16. George Clooney would have totally married me if I weren’t already taken when he was ready to settle down.
  17. Go to the doctor when you have a “gut feeling” something doesn’t feel right.
  18. Your gut feelings are a better indicator than your brain.
  19. Our brains are liars and make terrible decisions.
  20. Remember that cute boy you thought you liked in 8th grade? Where is he now? Liars.
  21. I may be the only person I know who doesn’t like sushi. I want to like sushi, I just can’t make myself.
  22. Middle school jocks look the same now as they have looked for the last several decades. Wavy-ish type hair, boat shoes, and vests. It appears they’ve discussed this uniform at their meetings.
  23. Everyone’s first name in my immediate family starts with a “J”.
  24. When I was growing up, my sister and I had this dream that we would one day live in NYC in an apartment where we would write and illustrate children’s books, and we would have lots of cats. If we were to try living together now in an apartment, it’s likely we wouldn’t make it through the month without an arrest, eviction or homicide investigation.
  25. All of last year, we wrote little celebrations or fun things that happened to us on small slips of paper, and put them in a big vase so that on New Year’s we could read through them and reminisce about all the great things we experienced in 2015. It’s the middle of February. We still haven’t gone through the vase.
  26. I drink Charles Shaw. Like a boss. I’m not even embarrassed.
  27. I want to live in a really big house one day because I love lots of wide open space. I also never want to live in a really big house because I love cozy, small spaces.
  28. My favorite food is the tomato.
  29. I’m a huge conspiracy theorist (this is a topic for another discussion). I don’t believe the Zika Virus is anything to get worked up about because I think what’s really going on in Brazil is vaccine related, and that it’s yet another thing intended to make is freak out.
  30. It’s a good idea not to believe everything you hear. Especially from bloggers writing ridiculous birthday lists.
  31. I seriously can’t believe the Kardashian fame is still going strong. Seriously. Can’t. Believe. It. Someone make it stop, for the love of all things holy.
  32. I do free yoga every morning via You Tube to Yoga with Adriene. She and I are BFF’s. She’s really busy so she doesn’t know that yet, but it’s cool.
  33. I’m also BFF’s with Jen Hatmaker. She also doesn’t know. Whatever. I can’t help it that all my friends are so successful and don’t have time to text me back.
  34. I’m going to be on Super Soul Sunday with Oprah. Because, I’m deep, y’all. She also doesn’t know yet, but c’mon, she’s OPRAH. Her producers will fill her in when they find my email (that they’ve clearly misplaced).
  35. I have three cats. And a turtle. For the love of God.
  36. Raising a teenage girl means constantly deciding between banging your head against the wall repeatedly, or day drinking.
  37. Jesus didn’t start Christianity. He was a devout Jew. Noodle that one around for a while.
  38. Three years ago right now I was recovering from my final surgery related to breast cancer. I’m thankful I’m still here.
  39. I’m from Wisconsin, but I really, really hate cold weather. Like, angry hate it.
  40. A lot can change for you when you’re willing to be vulnerable.
  41. I love my husband and daughter. Fiercely so. More than I thought was possible to love other humans. I also sometimes want them to leave me alone for very long periods of time.

Have a great Valentine’s Day, everyone. If you have a fun fact for me, I’d love to hear it. Especially if you’re a fellow conspiracy theorist.

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